The Chinese Fire Kites' Greatest Hits

by The Chinese Fire Kites

/
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
01:03
7.
8.
9.
10.
00:15
11.
12.
02:46
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
01:30
19.
00:50
20.
21.
00:32
22.
23.
00:38
24.
25.
01:11
26.
00:47
27.
28.
00:38
29.
00:35
30.
02:16
31.
32.
33.

about

The Chinese Fire Kites present their debut album, "Greatest Hits." Featuring re-recorded, hi-fidelity versions of 30 songs from their previous 5 demo albums, along with the new single "Why Are Worms on the Sidewalk After It Rains?" and crowd favorite, "The Toaster Song," Greatest Hits seeks to serve up the definitive Chinese Fire Kites experience. If you like your music short, fast, and funny, then the Chinese Fire Kites will satisfy your every desire. So sit back, smile, and enjoy. With 32 songs clocking in at under half an hour, what have you got to lose?

credits

released August 19, 2016

All songs written and recorded by The Chinese Fire Kites. Copyright 2016.
Except "The Toaster Song" written by Max Shaffer and performed by The Benefit. Copyright 2010.
All rights reserved.

The Chinese Fire Kites are:
Grant Cox - vocals, drums, piano, claps 'n' snaps
Matt Daly - vocals, bass, claps 'n' snaps
Max Shaffer - vocals, electric and acoustic guitars, harmonica, mandolin

Additional Vocals by Mark Daly on Cookie, Cake, or Pie? (The Great Fudge Round Debate)

Recorded in The Basement and Max's Love Nest.
Engineers - Grant Cox and Matt Daly
Produced and Mixed by Matt Daly
Mastered using LANDR
Artwork - Max Shaffer

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

The Benefit Winchester, Indiana

The Benefit is an alternative rock band from East-Central Indiana that serves up a tasty musical palette by combining elements of funk, punk, and reggae to create a truly unique sound.

contact / help

Contact The Benefit

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Track Name: Why Are Worms on the Sidewalk After It Rains?
Worms hate mud
Just like Mom hates mud, on the carpet, which is weird
Because worms live in dirt

And when it rains
Dirt turns into mud
That's when worms walk on the sidewalk

Worms are just like Mom
They both hate mud, they're just like Mom
They walk on sidewalks
Track Name: I Wish I Had a Dinosaur
I wish I had a dinosaur
That'd be pretty cool
We'd throw Frisbees in the park
And go swimming at the pool
I'd teach him how to skateboard
He'd teach me how to roar
That's why I think it'd be pretty sweet
To be friends with a dinosaur
Track Name: Surfing Robots
Tidal wave! Annihilation!
Jump on the new sensation
Everybody, grab a board
Hang ten like the Megazord

Me and my friends wish we were surfing with the robots
Catching waves and babes in super-human style
Hell yeah, I wish that I was surfing with the robots
With jet-pack boards we could ride the waves for miles

Tidal wave! Annihilation!
Track Name: Mothra, in Love
It's hard to find love when I keep destroying my girlfriends' houses
But that's just part of who I am
She knows I'm a good guy, even though I scare her to death
That I'm just trying the best I can

Why can't she just like me for me?
Sometimes it's just so hard to be
A giant, prehistoric moth
Just looking for love, in such a crazy world
Track Name: Criss Cross Cash
I like to play with Hot Wheel cars
On my Criss Cross Crash
I said I like to play with Hot Wheel cars
On my Criss Cross Crash
Sometimes they drive around in a bunch of circles and they run into each other
And then they break and then I have to go buy new Hot Wheel cars
But I still love my Criss Cross Crash
Track Name: Donut Shoppe
Saturday morning, sleep in 'til noon
Stay in my pj's and watch some cartoons
Head to the kitchen, look for some food
Cupboards are empty - what should I do?
Put on my slippers and hop on my bike

The donut shoppe has got everything
Tiger tails, bear claws, Bavarian creme-filled
Jelly with sprinkles and glazed icing
Yeah the donut shoppe has got everything
Track Name: Doritos with Cottage Cheese
I don't wanna move to Tennessee
Or maybe I do, I don't know
I don't wanna get married
Or maybe I do, I don't know

All I know is that I don't know what I wanna do
But now I know I'm gonna do it without you

I don't like Doritos with cottage cheese
Or maybe I do, I don't know
Track Name: The 4 Food Groups
Man: Say, Billy! Do you know the 4 Food Groups?
Billy: Yeah, there's -
Man: Okay, then! I'll tell you.

Vegetables are anything that goes on a vine
Also tomatoes, that can't make up their mind
There's a group for grains, like toast and Cap'n Crunch
You can cut off the crust cause it doesn't count as lunch
There's a group for stuff like cheese and there's probably one for meat
There's a special group for candy that your mom won't let you eat
If it comes from a tree it's in group number three
Groups five and six are pizza but I can't recall their name
There are things that aren't food like chap stick and glue, so they go under 'other,' the same
There are too many groups to hit 'em all in every day
Which is good - you'd just get fat anyway

Billy: That's not what teacher says..
Man: Well, sometimes your teachers lie.
Track Name: I Don't Wanna Go to School Today
I don't wanna go to school today
I don't wanna go to school today
I just wanna go outside and play
Yeah, I don't wanna go to school today

Mom, I'm sick, can I just stay home?
Mom, I'm sick, can I just stay home?
Coughed up last night's chicken bones
Yeah, Mom, I'm sick, can I just stay home?

Get your ass up out of bed
Get your ass up out of bed
"Good boys go to school," she said
Now get your ass up out of bed
Track Name: Recess
Dodgeball, volleyball
Basketball, wiffle ball
Four square, truth or dare
It's recess and I don't care
Hide and seek, maybe tag
Football or capture the flag
Four square, truth or dare
It's recess and I don't care
Track Name: Pizza Boobies
I wish my girlfriend had boobies made of pizza
Yeah, that'd be pretty great
Cause if my girlfriend had pizza boobies
I'd get a big 'ole slice every time I hit first base
Track Name: Desiree
Make a stop at the coffee shop, thirsty as can be
Walk inside, hope I find, the one thing that I need
Hold my breath, take a step, up to the cashier
Hopefully, if I'm lucky, then she will be here

Desiree, Desiree
You make so much more than coffee
Desiree, Desiree
Every cup is filled with love
Desiree, Desiree
Extra sugar from my sugar baby
Desiree, Desiree
I think that I'm in love

Sip my drink, what will you think when I say you make my head spin?
Am I coming on a bit too strong? You look so cute in your green apron
I got a crush, I think I'm in love, you might think it's strange
That I get nervous when our hands touch, when you give me my change

And I don't think you even know my name
But since I've met you I've never felt the same
I'd like to get to know you better over a cup of coffee
But you might think that's lame, since you work here
Or maybe you'd feel the same
Track Name: Cookie, Cake, or Pie? (The Great Fudge Round Debate)
Little Debbie lied, the box is full of pies
Like it's oatmeal cream brother in a chocolately disguise
So if you trace the logic it can only make sense
To call the thing a pie and get down off the fence

For goodness sake Fudge Rounds are cakes
Individually wrapped, so you know they ain't fake
The cake ain't a lie, the cake is nothing but truth
This argument is out of hand like Buster Bluth

Chewy like the wookie, clearly it's a cookie
Wikapedia agrees a Fudge Round is a cookie
So if you want to argue, here is what you do
Pick a side - cookie, cake, or pie? - you see, the choice is up to you

...or is it a sandwich?
Track Name: Your Favorite Sweater
Girlfriend came over tonight
Had dinner by candle light
Afterwards we watched a show
And turned all the lights down low
She started taking off her top
But I said, "Baby, please just stop!"
Cause making love is just so much better
When you wear your favorite sweater
Track Name: Jailbreak My Heart
I’m stuck on you like an Apple ID
I gave you my info, now nothing is free
Our love got updated and forced to restart
We can’t sync our emotions cause I jailbroke my heart

I just want a girlfriend who shows up and acts like a flashdrive
A file system with logic and no crazy programs to go through

Hard brushed aluminum just hides what’s inside
You’re a sweet 16 gig and I’m a fat 32
As long as we’re dating we won’t be outdated
The cloud will be fine if I’m stored there with you

Our love got updated and forced to restart
We can’t sync our emotions cause I jailbroke my heart
Track Name: Mario's Ballad
Mario can play any sport he wants
He can do anything and save anyone he wants, as long as it’s Peach
Golf, tennis, soccer, and basketball
Mario, he can do it all
He can do anything and save anyone he wants, as long as it’s Peach

He’s a doctor and he rides dinosaurs for fun
He throws fire and races go-karts in the sun
He took on Sonic in the Olympics
And he’s had so many parties – he’s the tits!

Golf, tennis, soccer, and basketball
Mario, he can do it all
He can do anything and save anyone he wants, as long as it’s Peach
Track Name: Mojo Jojo
Another plot to take over the world
Only to be stopped by the Powerpuff Girls
With his black fur, purple cape, and green skin
How long before this evil monkey will win?

Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Mojo-Jojo
Oh no! Oh no! Mojo-Jojo

His nuclear attacks sure sound like fun
But that massive brain must weigh a ton
Coming up with diabolical schemes
This dastardly primate’s just blowing off steam

Really on the inside, he’s just misunderstood
Deep beneath that evil smile there lurks a heart of good
Track Name: Pog Fight
Stack ‘em up and knock ‘em down
I’m the best slammer in town
Stack ‘em up and knock ‘em down
Stack ‘em up and knock ‘em down

Pog fight! Tonight! Pog fight! Alright!

Stack ‘em up and slam ‘em hard
My rules, my yard
Back alley, in the streets
Stack ‘em, slam ‘em, victory!

Pog fight! Tonight! Pog fight! Alright!
Track Name: Write to Me While You're Away at Hogwarts
Write to me while you’re away at Hogwarts
Send me an owl to say you’re doing well
Every night I pray, my little witch is a-okay
So write to me while you’re away at Hogwarts
Track Name: Garage Band
I tell girls I’m in a garage band
Even though that’s not quite true
We usually play in a basement
But it’s still the same idea
If we lived somewhere where we could surf
I’d be out on the beach, surfing, but we don’t
So instead I’m in a band
Track Name: Cell Phones Suck
Throw away your cell phone
Look what it’s made of you
Texting while you’re driving
And sexting driving too
Throw away your cell phone
And give your thumbs a break
Get yourself a beeper and a piece of chocolate cake
Track Name: Absolunacy
I’m going to the ABSO show
Come on you know you wanna go with me
It’ll be real funny
I’ve got suggestions I wanna shout
Cause that’s what improv’s all about, you know
Making up stuff on the go
A-B-S-O going to the funny show
A-B-S-O yeah, you know you wanna go
It’s short for Absolunacy
First timer’s get in free
It’s improv comedy
Going to the ABSO...show!
Track Name: Songwriting 301
Verse
Chorus
Verse
Chorus
Bridge
Chorus
Chorus
Track Name: Lunchables
Crackers and cheese, assorted meats
And mini candy bars
Great for picnics in the park
Or road trips in the car
And if I said hello to her, I wonder what she’d say
And if I shared my lunchable, I wonder if she’d stay
And if I said hello to her, I wonder what she’d say
And if I shared my lunchable, I wonder if she’d stay
Track Name: Brontosaurus
All my life my favorite dinosaur has been the Brontosaurus
But it turns out, it was just a big hoax
That, shortly after it's discovery, it was found to be part of the apatasaurus genus
For over 100 years, people just believed this
They called it Brontosaurus, not knowing the real truth
And now, in 2015, it actually is Brontosaurus, it's its own genus now?
Get your stuff together scientists

Cause I love the Brontosaurus
I hate those scientists
I'm not saying that they should die but I prefer they not be living
I love the Brontosaurus
I hate those scientists
I'm pissed and I bet that Little Foot would be too
Track Name: Things 'n' Stuff
One, Something, Three, Four

Something, something, something else
Another thing and some different stuff
It’s all like you know, you know, whatever

Stuff and things and things and stuff
And junk and stuff and stuff and things
And junk and stuff, it’s like you know, whatever

Miscellaneous, etc.

Things and stuff and junk and crap
Some stuff and something else and what not
I mean, you know what I’m talking about right? And stuff...
Track Name: Mitch Snyder
He’s a cop and he can drum
He owns a plane and flies it too
He’ll fly it over Muncie and he’ll fly it over you
He can wakeboard, he can ski
On the water and on the snow
And if you didn’t know him well before, well now you know

He’s Mitch (Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch)
Tiki-tiki Mitch Snyder
He’s Mitch (Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, Mitch)
Tiki-tiki Mitch Snyder
He’s Mitch
Track Name: My Jedi Hero
Cracking jokes with Qui-gon Jinn
(Obi-wan, Obi, Obi, Obi-wan)
About the trade federation
(Obi-wan, Obi, Obi, Obi-wan)
Follow him to Alderaan
Hitch a ride with our friend Han
Help me Obi-wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope!

Telling Luke to run away
(Obi-wan, Obi, Obi, Obi-wan)
Then later help him save the day
(Obi-wan, Obi, Obi, Obi-wan)
Fighting bad guys, Vader’s toast
But one day he’ll become a ghost
Help me Obi-wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope!
Track Name: I Like Girls
I like girls
But they don't like me
In fact, they kind of hate me
But I still like girls

I like baseball
Wait, no I don't
But some girls like baseball
So I probably should

I like fish
And chocolate swirls
But what I really like
Is girls

I play guitar
Because I thought girls would think it was cool
And if it worked, I don't know
Because they never told me

I like toothpaste
And girls have teeth
So I guess that makes us
Inseparable

I like Star Wars
And Lord of the Rings
So what if some girls don't?
Does that make me a nerd?

I like girls
I like girls
I like girls
I like girls

I like girls
And girls love my mandolin (no they don't love)
Oh, well, maybe if it was a ukulele
(Nope! It's you!)
Track Name: Welcome to the Basement
Welcome to the basement
This is where we record songs
When we want to lay something down
And we’re not too concerned with quality

We’re the Chinese Fire Kites and we play shows from time to time
But mostly we just kind of hang around...and think about stuff
Track Name: The Benefit - The Toaster Song
Bread goes in
Love comes out
Don't know how I'd live without my toaster

Push the lever, it makes you hot
Should I add some jelly or not?
Reheat, defrost, by the way
I love to empty your crumb tray

Bread goes in
Love comes out
Don't know how I'd live without my toaster

Make the slots extra wide
So I can put a bagel inside
Toast my bread to golden perfection
Is this love or just convection?

Bread goes in
Love comes out
Don't know how I'd live without my toaster